Thursday, April 28, 2011

You are a Winner!

Hello, Winner!  You're looking good today.  You have quite the reputation as a 40k player.  You live by a simple motto.  "What is best in life?  To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women." You are a master among men.  You live for 40k. 

You know each and every codex by heart (no need to look it up, you can be trusted) and have no problem telling an opponent where they are wrong in their rules interpretation. Obviously, the rules are meant to be read as written and who's to say that you can't model your wraithlords laying down in the prone position?  They are on the correct sized bases, after all.  Also, "true line of sight" means just that. You have 6 of GW's laser pointers and can find a chink in any piece of terrain.  No model or armor facing is safe from you.  Your precision is amazing.  As a matter of fact, more important than completing a game is winning every rules dispute you encounter.  You are GW's self-appointed rules lawyer and I am sure they thank you weekly.

You sneer in open disdain at your opponents' lesser knowledge of the 40k game mechanics and list building.  You are sure to point out why their armies suck...unless you lose, then you are sure to point out where they are obviously building cheesy lists and abusing force organization.  Who brings 6-8 AV11 gun platforms on the table anyway?  They are obviously trying to compensate for their lack of true gaming skill.  On that note, should a game go south, it is obviously due to less than average dice rolls or GW's crappy scenarios.  You can't help it that Tau have the worst troop selections in the game. SPAM and CHEESE are part of your hourly, if not minute-by-minute vocabulary and perhaps your diet as well. 

Speaking of gaming, you belong to the most "elite" of gaming clubs, mostly because those peons at other stores and clubs can't stand someone as intense and focused as you.  You weren't yelling. You were discussing emphatically.  Besides, most of those tools at the local gaming stores don't have a clue as to what it means to be a true, competitive 40k player.  Do they know that you have placed in the top three every year in the 'Ardboyz prelims.  It doesn't matter that there were only 2-3 players a few of the years. That's because the club that existed there couldn't stand your awesomeness.  They're just haters.  Let them go play somewhere else.  None of that matters though, because you are obviously misunderstood.  Luckily, your brother (I mean club) is the perfect test dummy for your new list machinations.  This year, you will win it all...if only the dice stay average.

Stay frosty, winner.  It is only a matter of time before the world admits your greatness.  Take up your baby seal club and wade into the shallows because it isn't who you play that matters, it's how many times you've won, and you sir, are a winner!


sonsoftaurus said...

It's like you're looking into my very soul!

JPChapleau said...

Winners FTW!

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